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| wonderfully geeky and fun hubby |
Last night my husband Jeremy and I went to the bar for karaoke for a friend’s birthday. There was a man there that I think just sort of randomly sat at our table and we began to talk about how he ended up in the Land of Goshen. He mentioned that he didn’t really like it here because it was hard for him to find non-tradional women to date. That’s when I jumped up on my soapbox and preached it to the brother.
“You should totally try online dating! It’s great,” says I, the shy girl that doesn’t talk to strangers or engage in conversation at bars.
After my ex and I separated, I tried online dating. I lived in a rural community of very nice people, but I am a teacher in that same place, and didn’t want to end up dating the uncle, father, or ex-convict neighbor of any of my high school students. So it was Match and Chemistry.com for me.
My original intent was not to find a husband. Quite the opposite actually. I was going to become a spinster. At first I joined just to see what the playing field might be like for a thirty-something that was definitely more mom-like than model-like. I spent the first six weeks or so, just scoping things out and sending a few emails back and forth. I talked on the phone with a few people, and even met a few of the men for coffee and conversation. They were all very nice people, in fact, I’m sure if we had met at work or church or something, we may have dated. But, after meeting in person, not feeling a “you’re my soul mate sort of connection,” we parted ways and basically forgot that one another existed.
Beautiful. It is such a great concept. I am convinced that too many people end up marrying someone they went out with because they felt obligated. Their mom fixed them up, they met at work and were friendly, or they had been friends so long that it was the next step to go ahead and get hitched. Nice people have a hard time saying “no”.
If your gut tells you that you should say no, then you should do it. But, if the guy in the office is nice, how do you reject him without hurting him? If your long-term boyfriend doesn’t really float your boat, but he is a decent guy, how do you say sianara? The beauty of online dating is the ease in saying “no”.
If someone says no to you, it may feel like rejection, but really only for a moment, because you can always sum it up to, “Well, they never knew me anyway.”
I have a secret. I am weird. My husband is weird. And we found each other based on a magic formula on Chemistry.com. When I got his profile in my mailbox, I thought his photo was dorky, and I thought he probably spent too much time playing video games. But, I liked his basic philosophy, he didn’t live too far away, and he sounded like he might be smart. When I expressed interest, it took him nearly a week to respond back. (I later learned that he was debating whether or not to pony up the money for a subscription). In that first day, we emailed back and forth all afternoon. With each email, I realized we had more and more in common.
After our first phone conversation that lasted about 3 hours, I hung up feeling like I had just caught up with my long lost best friend. He hated swimming and scary movies, voted for Obama, and listened to They Might Be Giants in high school too. Weird, right?
Our circles of friends actually skimmed one another barely touching. His favorite hang out was the bar my friends took me to the night before I asked for my divorce. My facebook friends were friends with his facebook friends, but neither one of us had mutual friends.
I don’t know what it would have taken to meet him without the computer.
I was striken with bronchitis on our first date, which is probably a good thing. He was so much cuter in person than his photo, I wanted to jump across the table and kiss him. (I did it in my head, remember I’m shy and don’t talk to strangers.) He agreed to a second date, even though I left my bronchitis germs in his passenger seat. It didn’t take long to realize that he was my long lost best friend, and I had found him.
There were no pity dates for us. No one coerced us to go out. We were able to say “yes!” to each other because we were right for one another, not because we couldn’t think of a reason to not say yes, A subtle difference, but very important.
To anyone contemplating online dating. I say go for it. The person that fits you in all of the quirky ways is out there. In fact there are probably lots of people, just as weird as you, wanting to meet you.
Plain and Simple Me 